Somnium

It happened again. It was the same as it was every other night. I woke up in the same woods, at the same time, in the same shitty year. 

With the new year on its way, I would waste the same hope that I would be able to escape what was done long ago. Back to April 11th, 2009, I watched from afar as a younger me set off on what was supposed to be a fun camping trip with the Girl Scouts. 

“Where did you learn that language from?” The troop leader, Miss Lisa, scolded me. All I said was shit a word I heard my parents use hundreds of times. My parents were always the kind that were pretty loose when it came to discipline. 

“But Miss Lisa, my dad says as long as you aren’t offending anyone then it isn’t really a bad word.” 

“Well I found it pretty offensive” 

“It’s not like I called you shit, I just said it because I tri-” 

“That’s enough of that talk Christy, one more strike and I’m making your parents pick you up! Do you understand?” 

Of course I said I understood but I really didn’t. Miss Lisa always had a bone to pick with me. Whether I was not focusing on some dumb sewing project or talking too much like a grown up, the threat of calling my parents was constant. 

I was lucky however that Miss Mara volunteered to help with the trip. She was different from the other adults. 

First of all, she was way younger than Miss Lisa, which helped with her overall coolness. Her long red hair was always done up in some sort of braid, but she still didn’t seem like she tried too hard when it came to getting done up. She was the only adult that seemed excited to go out in nature with us. When it came time, she was the one to teach us how to do things like build a fire, pitch a tent, or tell us stories about the faeries in the woods. She wasn’t very popular with the other moms— which is why I guess I liked her so much. 

When I asked my mom about it, she said it was because she wasn’t the “church-going type”. She lived in a little house not far from where we went on our trip. I was so jealous that my best friend, Melissa, got to have such a fun aunt. Both of my parents were only children so I certainly didn’t have anyone so interesting to talk to. 

Since I was so close to Melissa, I also got to hang out with Miss Mara. She was always having us over for slumber parties where we would eat from her garden and just pretend that we were someplace else. Someplace magical. 

My dad used to get worried about how much time we spent over there. He would fight with my mom about it because, to them, for whatever reason it wasn’t okay for an adult to want to spend that much time with a couple of nine year olds. Miss Mara wasn’t inappropriate or anything like that, though, the only strange thing was that she would try to scare us. Not just with tales of spirits and demons,  but also she would creep up on us. 

I thought it was pretty funny though because Melissa would always scream like a baby. I wasn’t as easily scared but sometimes, I would think back to nights at Mara’s and it would keep me up. Sometimes the stories just sounded a little too real, Like Miss Mara had been there before.

Back to the dream, the sun was starting to come down when things began to take a turn. We were hiking back up from the trail when the klutziest of the bunch, Mandy, tripped over a branch. She was wailing from the pain. She was always bumping, falling, or twisting over something. Usually she would act like it didn’t happen to avoid getting teased.

Miss Lisa used to lead the bunch, her daughter, Annie, delivered the brutal punches. She once started a rumor that Mandy lived with her grandparents because even her own mom got annoyed by her. Annie was a bitch just like her mom. Even Annie took notice however that Mandy’s fall was a bad one this time. 

We all tried to help her up. 

“Can you try walking on it honey?” Miss Mara said as Mandy let go of my arm. Mandy fell over instantly. 

Miss Mara picked up Mandy and looked towards Miss Lisa who was freaking out over the whole ordeal.

“This is going to look horrible oh my god I can’t have little girls getting torn up in these woods.” 

“Calm down, I think she just twisted her ankle, we can all go up to my cabin. I have enough room for all of us.” Miss Mara said as she tried to reassure Miss Lisa. 

We headed up towards Miss Mara’s cabin but the woods were acting differently that night. The cicadas that had been performing for us earlier in the night had gone silent. The footsteps of our troop weren’t the only ones accompanying us that night. 

It sounded like something was walking through the bushes. When I looked up, I didn’t see anything. However, the more we walked along, the more I started to feel this painful ick in my stomach. Melissa pulled me over from the trail.

“Do you hear that? I think someone else is out there Christy.” 

“I hear it too, do you feel sic-” I covered my mouth because as soon as those words left my mouth I felt myself puking. Soon after Melissa started throwing up as well. We were alone in the woods now. Just the two of us hovering over. 

I then felt myself watching over the two girls. I could see my hands and I wasn’t the little kid anymore. I was the person in the bushes.

“Damnit, Melissa we’re lost! Do you still have your flashlight?” 

“I’ve got it, don't worry I can get us to Aunt Mara.” 

I remembered what was waiting for those kids, however at Miss Mara’s, the place that was so special to us was about to be tainted. 

The two girls ran towards the cabin and I was compelled to chase after them but I was too slow to catch up to them. The more I panicked, the further they got. 

“No, don't go, turn around, go home!” Despite my best efforts they couldn’t hear me, the hell they were about to witness was inevitable. 

They closed in on the house. I was several feet behind them still, I screamed for them to stop, even if I knew deep down it wouldn’t do anything. I had to try— no matter what— to save them. A younger me turned and for a second, I thought I held her gaze but then she turned back around. As they shut the door to the little cabin behind them I felt myself collapse and sink into the dirt path. 

I opened my eyes and I was once again a child. 

“Where is everyone?” Melissa said as she stared at me with a puzzled expression. I tried to respond but all that seemed to come out were tears. 

“It’s okay Christy, we are going to find them, they might be in the garden.” 

The fire roared on as Melissa looked around the kitchen pointing her flashlight for clues. I stood frozen in the kitchen completely unable to walk out that door to avoid it all. Suddenly, the door opened and Miss Mara entered. 

“Hey girls, we have been waiting for you. Come with me, there's someone I want you to meet.” Miss Mara grabbed us both by our hands with an unusually icy touch. I looked up at her and she had blood on her hands, her clothes, there was even a little on her face.

Melissa slowly looked up at her.“Aunt Mara, did you get hurt?”. 

“I was but now we are all better.” Aunt Mara responded in a tone that wasn’t quite her own. We walked through the garden, the place was still unusually quiet for housing a group of four rowdy girls. 

“Ladies I want you to know before we go in there, I consider you both very special, the sort of special that means you get chances that others could only dream of. I have a friend that is also special, she wants to meet you both.” 

“Who's your friend?” I finally was able to get out after being silent for so long. 

“That will have to be up to her to tell you.” Miss Mara opened the door to the little greenhouse she had out back. 

Candles were the only light, but even the darkness couldn’t mask the gruesome scene. All of the vines and flowers were covered in a dark crimson. It painted the greenery leaving a sinister picture. 

Miss Mara blocked the door, so Melissa and I had to enter what looked to be a massacre. 

There were no bodies. 

Sitting on the marble bench that was in the center was a woman. She was unlike anyone I had ever seen. She was draped in a long powder blue gown in a material and it shined in a way that made it luminescent. She had long almost white blonde hair and just like the dress, her skin seemed to glow as well. 

“Come children, I have been waiting for you.” She spoke in a melodic but low pitched tune. Miss Mara pushed us towards her. She had us kneel before the woman I felt myself getting choked up. 

“What's your name?” I said as I stared into her eyes, they were hypnotizing as a lavender smokiness seemed to be moving over her irises.

“I have had many names, some have known me as Iblis, the Serpent, or the fallen one.” The woman responded as she gazed on at us. From behind her she retrieved a silver dagger and a matching goblet. 

“Now girls, I have an offer for you: One of you will go on to become very powerful, the world will be willing to give you everything. The other one’s journey however, will stop here. Whoever takes the dagger must be willing to part from the other and put herself first.” 

She extended the dagger and goblet towards us. Melissa and I stared at each other and then with little to no thought I was the one to grab the dagger. 

I jolted up and looked around for a second. I was back in my apartment. Alone. I was dripping in sweat and tears from the whole ordeal, but at least I was back. I reached over to my water on my bedside table and it was then that I noticed I was still trembling. 

I sat there for a second trying to come down, I scrolled through my phone and texted my therapist. “Need appointment ASAP.” 

I can’t keep coming back to that moment, I was just a kid and that day I was manipulated. I didn’t mean to do anything bad to Melissa… At least I don’t think I did. It’s not like she actually died or anything anyways. Lisa actually survived when Mara attacked her and the troop. She was able to call over an ambulance which saved almost everyone. Mandy sadly passed but it was shocking she was the only one when Melissa and I had walked in on such a bloody room. 

I put my phone down and tried to go back to sleep. I was still restless however, somehow I felt like I wasn’t really alone. Ever since my ex moved out, I was riddled with these night terrors again. Usually I would just try to find someone to come over off Tinder or Hinge, but no one could make it tonight. Having someone else in bed at least meant I knew someone was there. The constant fear of not really being alone would at least leave me for a little while.

But I knew if I dared to look in a mirror or a dark corner on nights like this one that I’d find the same thing. She would be there, the woman in the blue dress. 

She wasn’t beautiful anymore as she rotted away into the walls affirming her permanent place in my life. She would just stare back with those smokey eyes.